Monday, 3 July 2017

How To Stop Being Triggered By Life

How To Stop Being Triggered By Life Angry Woman

"Not this again," I'd catch myself saying. It was usually after a triggering event like someone parking my car in the driveway or when I felt unseen or excluded. I'd feel really pissed about it. I mean, how dare they! How could they be so rude? So inconsiderate? 

This reaction may seem pretty intense and I'm not going to sugar coat it, recovery from trauma is intense. Once that can of worms is opened, it can be a relentless barrage of triggers followed by volatile responses and essentially a sinking realisation that you are not in any way good enough for this life and your place in it.

Friday, 5 May 2017

How To Free The Inner Child From The 'Grown-Up' Prison

How To Free The Inner Child From The 'Grown-Up' Prison

Filled with inhibitions?

Crippling self-consciousness?

Frightened to surrender control to the unknown?

In my earlier years, I was taught not only are children 'seen but not heard' but that the natural flamboyant, free, wild child inside was embarrassing to those adults around me. So from around the age 3-4 years old, I tamed my spirit and the wildness was locked down in a 'grown-up' prison never to be seen again until my early forties where she made her first appearance.

I watched in awe and envy throughout my school years as the class clown made everyone laugh, free of inhibitions. I watched as friends joined the school drama class, performed in the school shows, in costume wearing someone else's mask, playing and acting.

Much bonding was done, but I was never in the inner circle. I was left out on the sidelines looking in, shy, anxious, fearful, composed, stiff and physically closed to freeing myself.

My body felt like a prison and I didn't know how to break out from it. I had a child inside me peering through the prison bars, wondering how to escape.

How The Inner Child Reveals It Is Trapped Inside


When the wildness has been repressed it reveals itself in the same dark emotions, physical issues and other ailments. From anger to rage, sadness to fear.

My trapped child showed itself through:

- Intense anger and rage

- Acne and poor skin

- Hormonal imbalances

- Money blocks

- Depression

Taught NOT To Shine

Many of us are taught early on not to shine, not to reveal the best of us. This could be from school trauma, parental expectations and/or societal/religious expectations. And so we dim our light to fulfil those expectations. Often they are unconscious expectations, we only become aware of them when we are ready.

Cultural Limits To Freedom

Child Playing

The child dances, plays, sings and imagines new worlds. Some cultures are naturally physically free. Fluid in their physical movements, at home in their bodies and some cultures, are not. I often find that the countries of Denmark, Scandinavia, Netherlands and Sweden people can be freer physically. In the United Kingdom and the USA and other countries, physical expression may be more repressed, adding to the deeper trapping of the child within.

In the UK we have this 'stiff upper lip' way of being. To let your hair down, be the sacred fool, make mistakes, fail… was allowed in certain industries, but many find this incredibly hard.

Locked in the Body

I always had the feeling of needing to be composed, control how the world saw me. I had to look like I had my shit together on the outside (even if the inside was a mess or my life was falling apart). And this caused me tension in my body and in my face and jaw. A smile became my go-to expression and it became unconscious as it seemed permanently fixed on my face.

When I started to relax my mouth (I breathe better through my mouth), people began to interpret my relaxed face as unhappy and that I was feeling challenged, when actually I was feeling more relaxed than ever before. My 24/7 smile was challenged. I love to smile naturally, but often it was my go-to protection from the outside world.

And jaw dropped was hard for me, because I was called names at school when I relaxed in that way.

The Wild Child Emerges In Private – But Being Seen Is Scary

At home I would sing, dance, play, but to allow the world to see this child – NO!

It felt impossible. Letting my hair down in public, letting others see me 'play' felt more vulnerable than sharing deeper more dark emotions.

Sadness, fear, anxiety and embracing the shadow was easy for me to reveal in front of others, but to reveal my light? That is a big journey for me.

And possibly the class clown may find the level of the shadow and intimate side of their nature harder than I would, but for me 'silliness', 'humour', 'wildness', 'dancing', 'singing', 'making mistakes' all took my breath away. Literally making my throat choke up in fear.

It's hard to 'play' publicly when you feel scared.

How Do You Free The Wildness?

The Sacred Fool
In my 41st year, I started to say 'yes' to that which I had said a very loud 'no' to before.

It was hard, but also easy. This is the reason I feel that the child is freed when we are ready at a deep soul level (naturally freed not artificially freed through substance or alcohol).

From a debilitating phobia of public speaking, saying yes to a radio interview by Brian Green and following this by attending an intensive weekend workshop called 'Be Seen Be Heard' by Adam Fotheringham where I was challenged to make mistakes and play in front of strangers, felt like I was going through a trial by fire and I said YES!

And after saying yes, something unexpected happened. The workshop and radio interview opened me up to not only a new direction but new potential too.

Ideas for the 'new' in my life I had placed deeply in my child prison. Those drama classes I was terrified to do became appealing to me. And I said yes to attending a weekly class.

I am 3 weeks into the class and my 'wildness' is still hesitant to come out, but she is slowly emerging.

To Free The Wildness

1. Say YES to vulnerability

2. Say YES to drama classes

3. Say YES to dance classes

4. Say YES to speaking classes

5. Say YES to art classes

6. Say YES to making mistakes and goofing up publicly

The reasons classes are important is because you can't do this on your own. You need a visual reflection from humanity. People need to see you so you can face those feelings and embrace them with love. The discomfort needs to come up, in front of an audience.

Choose safe groups.

Walk away from arrogant people

You need a nurturing environment to free the child within.

Examples include:

- The Helen O' Grady Academy (worldwide)

- Five Rhythms Dancing

- Speaking Circles

The 'Wildness' Needs Freedom

Wild Fire Dancer

If you stick to the same old routine and comfort zones in your life the child will not be freed. Take a look at your life, what in your life is feeling blocked or repressed because your wildness is held back?

Self-Help Author Kelly Martin

Are you consciously choosing 
to be a hermit from humanity?

Does your light need to be expressed now?

Is your wildness locked away?

How are you freeing it?

For other related articles see below:

Friday, 31 March 2017

When Everyone Shines INCLUDING You - FREE PEEK at CHAPTER 1

When Everyone Shines INCLUDING You
(BOOK 2 in the 'SHINE SERIES')

Chapter 1
Acceptance – The Root of Your Light

It's easy to remain in the shadows of life when the voice within screams 'not enough', 'too scary', 'people hurt me when I'm seen'.

It is safer… but safe is not what living is about; safe is the known - shaky ground is the new.

Many of you were brought up within a family or cultural system that refused to acknowledge your worth. If it were not parents criticising your lack of grades or abilities, it was your teachers letting you know that you simply did not fit in, because you were not able to do as they asked.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Are You Scared To Be Seen?

Are You Scared To Be Seen

Have you ever been so scared about something you have cried?

This was me recently.

I know that many of my readers suffer from anxiety and depression and I imagine many of you experience social anxiety too. Some of you may have a fear of public speaking and some may have a deeper fear called a phobia.

But what if your fear is of being 'seen and heard'?

This was my fear and is one I am slowly unraveling and moving through.

Facing a fear is a really tough thing. Change is never easy because if it were many people would be living completely different lives.

In a recent blog, I shared my first experience of public speaking via a radio interview. This took so much courage to do. My hand was shaking as I held the telephone waiting for my turn to speak, but I was fortunately blessed with kindness and an understanding interviewer, but I knew that was just the beginning.

Saturday, 25 February 2017

DESIRE - What If What You Want Is Wrong?

DESIRE What If What You Want Is Wrong KellyMartinSpeaks

Are you frustrated by lack in your life? Are those things you really want just not happening?

It’s easy to get attached to a specific outcome to make us happy. We’re surrounded by affluence in the West and encouraged to pin all our hopes and dreams on the outer world. While we might believe that happiness lies within, inwardly many of us may ‘secretly’ hope for circumstances to change in the way we want, so that we can be happy, but this never works.

Friday, 17 February 2017

You Need To See These Amazing Oracle Cards by Alana Fairchild -WIN

COMPETITION REVIEW Divine Circus and Mother Mary Oracle Cards by Alana Fairchild

I love oracle cards. Especially decent cards with great imagery and wisdom. I grew bored with another creator who has swamped the oracle card market (no names mentioned because I'm sure you know who they are) and the lack of depth in those cards.

Friday, 10 February 2017

How To Mindfully Love Without Getting Lost


No one can fill the void in your heart, only love does this. Not love from outside, but love from within.

In my past, I was a needy, attached, jealous lover. I was in a state of perpetual ‘not good enough’ and so I attracted lovers who did not value me for who I was. I attracted lovers who reinforced my feelings of not deserving in my life. I lived most of the time in an imaginary future full of ‘hope’ and wishful thinking. I was in love with the idea of being in love. I mentally criticised my previous lovers for all their flaws but most of the time I was actually criticising myself for my own flaws.


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