Sunday, 19 November 2017

Why People Pleasing Hurts and How To Drop The 'Good Girl' Act


Why People Pleasing Hurts and How To Drop The 'Good Girl' Act

I pleased people since childhood, wearing my mask of smiles and niceness because when I let out the assertive honest me, people disappeared from my life. So as I enter my mid-life, I release the need to please people who cannot accept the 'real me', even if that means being alone.

You may know the story.

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

How Painful Shame Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson

How Painful Shame Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson


The shame of being human

How many times have you felt shame for being human? For making normal, human errors? For expressing your vulnerability and weaknesses out loud to other human beings? I know I have and just did it again today.

Sunday, 12 November 2017

How To Find Out What You Really Want

How To Find Out What You Really Want

What Do You Really Want?


Are you frustrated by the lack in your life? Are those things you really want just not happening?

It’s easy to get attached to a specific outcome to make us happy. We’re surrounded by affluence in the West and encouraged to pin all our hopes and dreams on the outer world. While we might believe that happiness lies within, inwardly many of us may ‘secretly’ hope for circumstances to change in the way we want, so that we can be happy, but this never works.

Tuesday, 7 November 2017

10 Ways To Have A Stress-Free Christmas

10 Ways To Have A Stress-Free Christmas

So the Christmas season is heating up, the stores are full to brimming with gifts and sales, your little ones are tugging at your heartstrings to provide for them the perfect day and perhaps you’re losing your head a little and the stress is setting in.

Monday, 3 July 2017

How To Stop Being Triggered By Life


How To Stop Being Triggered By Life Angry Woman

"Not this again," I'd catch myself saying. It was usually after a triggering event like someone parking my car in the driveway or when I felt unseen or excluded. I'd feel really pissed about it. I mean, how dare they! How could they be so rude? So inconsiderate? 

This reaction may seem pretty intense and I'm not going to sugar coat it, recovery from trauma is intense. Once that can of worms is opened, it can be a relentless barrage of triggers followed by volatile responses and essentially a sinking realisation that you are not in any way good enough for this life and your place in it.

Friday, 5 May 2017

How To Free The Inner Child From The 'Grown-Up' Prison



How To Free The Inner Child From The 'Grown-Up' Prison

Filled with inhibitions?

Crippling self-consciousness?

Frightened to surrender control to the unknown?

In my earlier years, I was taught not only are children 'seen but not heard' but that the natural flamboyant, free, wild child inside was embarrassing to those adults around me. So from around the age 3-4 years old, I tamed my spirit and the wildness was locked down in a 'grown-up' prison never to be seen again until my early forties where she made her first appearance.

I watched in awe and envy throughout my school years as the class clown made everyone laugh, free of inhibitions. I watched as friends joined the school drama class, performed in the school shows, in costume wearing someone else's mask, playing and acting.

Much bonding was done, but I was never in the inner circle. I was left out on the sidelines looking in, shy, anxious, fearful, composed, stiff and physically closed to freeing myself.

My body felt like a prison and I didn't know how to break out from it. I had a child inside me peering through the prison bars, wondering how to escape.

Friday, 31 March 2017

When Everyone Shines INCLUDING You - FREE PEEK at CHAPTER 1


When Everyone Shines INCLUDING You
(BOOK 2 in the 'SHINE SERIES')

Chapter 1
Acceptance – The Root of Your Light


It's easy to remain in the shadows of life when the voice within screams 'not enough', 'too scary', 'people hurt me when I'm seen'.

It is safer… but safe is not what living is about; safe is the known - shaky ground is the new.

Many of you were brought up within a family or cultural system that refused to acknowledge your worth. If it were not parents criticising your lack of grades or abilities, it was your teachers letting you know that you simply did not fit in, because you were not able to do as they asked.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Are You Scared To Be Seen?

Are You Scared To Be Seen

Have you ever been so scared about something you have cried?


This was me recently.

I know that many of my readers suffer from anxiety and depression and I imagine many of you experience social anxiety too. Some of you may have a fear of public speaking and some may have a deeper fear called a phobia.

But what if your fear is of being 'seen and heard'?

This was my fear and is one I am slowly unraveling and moving through.

Facing a fear is a really tough thing. Change is never easy because if it were many people would be living completely different lives.

In a recent blog, I shared my first experience of public speaking via a radio interview. This took so much courage to do. My hand was shaking as I held the telephone waiting for my turn to speak, but I was fortunately blessed with kindness and an understanding interviewer, but I knew that was just the beginning.

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