It's funny, I am not normally bothered about Valentine's Day. I have spent a few years now celebrating 'Quirky Alone Day', a day dedicated to singles who feel empowered being single, but also to couples who want a different way to celebrate this often very commercial time of the year.
Yet as I scrolled Facebook, I saw competitions to enter and the question was often 'What is the best Valentine's present you have ever received?' or 'What is the best Valentine's date you have ever been on?' And something about these questions touched me.
Yes it may be commercial. Love should be an every day experience, but love has been on my mind lately a lot.
Love Energy Rising
Earlier last year I experienced falling in love, but not with the man, but the feeling. I loved that feeling of love in my heart, outpouring into everything I touched. I felt my aura sparkle and shine. I felt love for everything not just the man of my affection at the time. I was gifted this beautiful feeling in my heart and I thoroughly relished it.
Now 9 months later, I have this intense stirring of sexual love energy flooding through me. Kundalini is rising again and I can feel the power of this tremendous force and I yearn.
I yearn for intimacy right now, skin-on-skin, heart-on-heart, lips touching, but more than anything meeting a man who 'gets me' and 'knows me' because he knows himself.
I have never had a Valentine's gift or a proper Valentine's date with someone who likes me as much as I like him. This is hard to say, because I just don't 'get it' sometimes. I have a few friends who have been proposed to and loved many times, but the only proposal I ever received was from a stranger in Kuala Lumpur airport LOL, who thought I looked pretty and German, and wanted a visa to get into the UK LOL.. I laugh, but my ego is feeling a little bruised by the lack of reflective passion.
I say reflective, because I know why it never happened for me. Other people probably had an inner belief in themselves as women or men, and may have not been as shy as I am around men that I am attracted to. Maybe they give a 'marriage material' neon sign or maybe people are too quick to marry without building the foundation of inner love first? Who knows.
Are You Ready For Love?
So am I ready for love?
Are you ready for love?
In the past I was always the person who tended to be attracted more deeply, who dived in head first. I never got why people in general (not just romantic relationships) were not more intimate, more touchy-feely, more connected, deeper and less shallow.
I know in the past I had zero self-esteem. I know in the past I did not feel I was attractive. I know in the past I did not know myself so deeply and I avoided my feelings, but now? I know myself much more deeply; I have self-esteem; I feel more empowered and sometimes (not always) find myself attractive. I have such a passion and zest for life, and enthusiasm I never had before. I feel more whole so do not have the need to make the other person my rock or my 'other half'.
I am ready to love again. I feel the stirrings.
I am never bored with life and mostly my enthusiasm right now is a passion to get my work out and to embrace my purpose here on Planet Earth, but I would love to love another man. Not just any man, a man who is open-hearted and in touch with who he is.
Am I scared of deep intimacy? Yes and No. I am scared of sharing the whole of me again and being open to love without being tainted by my last relationship's lessons. And no, I am not scared because I just feel this need to go deeper into who I am and that involves opening my whole self up to vulnerability again.
And I would like balance, a deep connection balanced by the light, fun, play, passion, authenticity.
I trust that the Universe knows the man I am to be with. Funnily enough, I always trust this.
My biggest challenge as a woman is to open myself to this, but to have no expectations.
What is your biggest challenge
when it comes to opening to love ?
If you enjoyed this post you may enjoy the following
(it seems I have pondered this topic a lot over the years) :