Can we, as humans in the West, be happy without money?
This is something I have been really questioning lately, mainly because life circumstances have led me to this path in life: "Can I be happy without all the 'stuff'?"
It's fairly easy to moan and complain about a lack of money but sometimes money is what money is. We either have it or we don't. We may have a lot, none or some. Most of the people I know have what I call 'not-enough-itis'. Even those that on the surface appear to have it all and spend as if shops are going to close down soon they still want more more more.
I don't know about you but I know I was brainwashed from childhood by the competitive nature of materialism. Even in the playground people with the new boots, shoes, bags... If you didn't have the new tassle boots (this was a fashion statement at one time) or the doc martens, you were out of the loop. Many of us valued ourselves from an early age through comparison with what other people had. And as we grew older the comparisons continued and they just got bigger.
Instead of comparing bags and boots it became houses and cars, mobile phones and TVs. Does money buy you happiness? Some say it does. Yet how many wealthy people do you see who are genuinely happy?
I feel money adds to already happy people. If you cannot feel happy when you are poor how can you feel happy when you are rich? All the stuff in the world does not buy family, friendship or love. Yet we don't seem to place these things into our value judgements of who we are.
This comparison culture is such a killer of self-confidence and esteem. I know I am still on the journey to releasing this in myself. Those that we may think have it all may also be comparing with others. Those with plenty of money, social status, career etc. etc.. may suffer loneliness. Those with a great social life may be frightened to be on their own for longer than a day. We all have feelings and we all have our own basis for measuring our worth.
What is your basis for worth?
I often think that if I lived on a desert island with only a good friend or two the suffering may be less. Fewer people to compare my life with. I remember when I gave a damn when I was single in the past I would get very annoyed when distant relatives at weddings or funerals would say "Kelly, so when are you getting married?" with a snigger. It used to infuriate me like I was 'less than' because I was not married in my twenties. Well I am in my thirties now and still not married and that side of life does not bother me whatsoever in the comparison stakes.
Now money. The process of loving self, of accepting self, is a journey I am taking right now. Creating new pathways in my mind, in my thinking process, so I am able to accept where I am, who I am and the direction I am choosing in life. One of the main things I am moving through is my feelings about money. Money seems such a big status thing in life. Of course money is needed to eat, have a roof over our heads and all the basic necessities of life but can we be happy living simply? Can I be happy living simply? I am on the path to find this out.
I found this quote this morning.
"If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy” ~Proverb.
What can money not buy?
Love - family - friendship - nature - beauty - sunshine - raindrops - health - relationships - imagination - creativity....
What would you add to this list?
My entire identity (or who I thought I was) is crumbling right now. My illusionary self. And I keep coming back to if I had all the money in the world would I be happy?
This is not saying I wouldn't like more money but why do I want more right now?
Is it because I am too scared to be happy - right now? As I am?
Can you imagine being rooted in your being, feeling enough as you are, right now, with what you have or haven't got and then money arrived on your doorstep. Wouldn't it be far more satisfying to have such a strong stable basis for your own worth and who you are now? For the money to simply add to that. Just think, unlike some of the wealthy folk, you could live a completely free life, never worrying if the money was going to run out because you would know you could be happy with or without money. What a real blessing.
So could you be happy without money ? (aside from basic necessities).
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Wonderful post, Kelly. It gave me so much to think about.
ReplyDeleteI know we here in America are dealing with the changing "American Dream" as this insane level of materialism has wrecked us economically.
I have been living on scraps for years due to being in school and recuperating from crazy life choices. Before that I had adopted a more sustainable lifestyle, so I was already exploring the joy of simplicity.
I have to admit that there were many, many times that I felt my upbringing in this culture weigh on me. For me though it wasn't that I didn't have enough, just that I didn't have the option. I did feel a sense of failure on many occasions because I had not provided myself with the possibility to choose to not spend my money a certain way; I HAD to be frugal.
Since almost losing my father and seeing how the true end of life is going to be financially, I have relaxed so much in regards to money. I really do feel like I have everything I need and I have a new level of peace knowing that no matter how much or little I have, I really will be taken care of.
My way of life has put many people off for many years. It's helped me weed out my shallow friends. Now that this is becoming the "new normal" here in America ~ being content with what we have ~ I feel like I'm ahead of everybody and I feel more prosperous as a result.
So, yes, I can honestly say that as long as I have enough money for the basics, I have recently found true happiness without money and material possessions.
It's amazing how true gratitude for the moment can make you feel like the richest person in the world ;)
Thanks Marla xxx interesting what you say about the American dream. In the UK it is incredibly expensive nowadays for pretty much everything. Probably one of the most expensive countries to visit. What is happening here is everything is going up and for those working, wages are not. So a heck of a lot of people are changing and having to change their spending habits. Mike said this morning he saw a statistic that 30% of people have given up their cars because petrol costs are ridiculous (£1.39 per litre) and so many are being forced to change. I am already adapted to this change fortunately and taking it in my stride but I imagine for a lot of people who have been used to a level of 'luxury' are finding it tough going adapting to not have the outer material items to prove their worth. I would not say im happy (yet) living the simple life but I am getting there. More content and laid back about life than I was ever before even when I had a good wage. It is wonderful you have found true happiness and it helps me in knowing this is possible to build this strong basis - rooted in the simple. Much love xxx
ReplyDeleteHi there
ReplyDeleteYes I have lived without money for almost 10 years now after losing everything materially in the 2000 stock market crash then having a near death experience. I can say without doubt it is not money that makes us happy but living everyday of our lives with a purpose. Great blog!
Venus Cow www.venuscow.com free online life coaching and talk therapy.
Welcome Venus Cow, thank you. It sounds like you have had some huge life changing experiences. Oh how true what you say. Living with purpose! YES!
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