Thursday, 9 June 2011

Slowing Down

It's fairly easy after a lengthy period of living life in the slow lane to gather pace and let the activity side of life become overwhelming.

We can become flooded with inspiration, ideas and plans and projects all at once.

The problem arises when creative inspiration becomes a reason to place undue pressure on oneself to accomplish beyond the realms of natural expectation.

It's a time when the new found movement in our life can turn into sabotage, second guessing and 'over' planning. It's wonderful to be so full of creative inspiration. It's lovely to have idea after idea flood our awareness. But...when we look at our list of ideas and inspired projects there can sometimes be a tendency to achieve and accomplish every task and prioritising begins to feel like a task in itself.

Slow down.

My life has amazingly unfolded. From a slow pace of not knowing what my skills and talents are, to being in the void where life appears empty.  I spend 8 months slowing right down. Walking in nature daily, slowing right down until my awareness opened wide and I became aware of activities I would like to try out. I allowed myself to acknowledge blossoming gifts of writing and photography and then I began to paint and draw (skills I had allowed to be dormant for 2 decades) and so suddenly the 'empty' brought forth creative inspiration.

Once I implemented structure into my life I felt excited by the promise of days filled with active value.  Doing new things and allowing my authentic nature to shine out into my world.

And then, something happened within me. My mind began to tell me how urgent it was that I got everything done on my list of inspired ideas. Instead of doing one at a time my mind had me thinking it was important I expanded my scope of activity. My stress levels rose. And as more ideas and inspiration came through me, my mind used this as an attempt to take control back of my life, instead of allowing Source energy to carry me; instead of letting my life to beautifully unfold.

So, as I sit here with a large caramel latte, I needed to stop on my walk back home to write my feelings and thoughts out. I needed to diarise what's going on for me so that I know what is going on so I too can stop, breathe and slow down.

I am also learning at this time that I have had patterns of feeling the need to respond to people immediately (be it through emails, web forums, blog entries). There has been this fear that if I don't respond immediately I will lose something, "friendships, readers, connections". My mind began focusing on the product of Kelly Martin instead of the process of an unfolding life.

Something I read a little while ago in a Julia Cameron book said :

"Do you want to be Admired or Happy?"
This is why I question what I am experiencing inside right now. Stress, time pressures and the urgency of the mind to get me out into the world is all about 'image'.  Who am I? Do I really want to be admired, respected, heard, so much that I was prepared to experience stress and pressure inside?

The answer is no. Not anymore.

Old insecurities were behind those time pressures, behind the need to get noticed.

I want to be happy. To answer only to me. Instead of the rest of the world - which is what my mind had me believing I needed to answer to.

It is time for me to slow down, right down.
To let the urgency go, to allow emails and responses to slow down.
Get back to basics. To do only that which feels fun, instead of doing what I 'think' needs to be done.

Slow down, it's okay.
Nature, Source always knows the way.

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