This morning I received this in my 'Notes From The Universe'
Think of the one area of life that brings you the most discomfort, Kelly, and that's where you're ripe for growth.
Never fails,And this made me realise it is time to write about the subject of money.
So what can be beneath money difficulties? fear of loss? fear of change? What do we feel we could lose by experiencing more abundance? Our identity? What identity would that be?
These are some of the numerous questions I have been asking myself about the subject of money. Like many people who may be in a similar situation to me, I have been a seeker on many levels to try and understand, to become aware of what is potentially blocking my path when it comes to this universal subject.
And when I say blocking, I understand that my life is unfolding as it should, and I have what I need in my life right now, yet I also understand a need to become more aware and clear on this subject. And I imagine countless others. This is not going to be another get rich quick, 3, 4, 10, 12 steps to receiving money easily, via the Law of Attraction. No, because those kind of articles online merely frustrate, and to be frank, piss me off.
The very topic of money and the Law of Attraction swamps the Internet. In droves countless life coaches, salesmen (and women) flood our authentic search with carrot-dangling solutions. None of these, in my time of understanding this subject, has even begun to touch the surface of the depth of money issues for most people.
Even those who proclaim to help us look at what is beneath any money blocks often add a "Click here if you want further information for X amount of dollars".
Many sites tell us to visualise the end result, to feel the experience or the item that we want. They offer us affirmations, hemi-sync CD's, hypnosis; they even tell us to ignore 'what is' and focus on what we want. But I know from my experience that when there are a number of fears coming up to do with this, you cannot ignore them to get to the end result. It often feels like piling ice cream on top of dog poop. It may taste good for a while but eventually the dog poop is still there, laying beneath the surface.
I cannot help but feel that maybe what's beneath not only has the answers we are seeking, but also can unveil a greater depth of abundance from within, instead of merely the material side of the money experience.
For a long time I did not even like the word money on my spiritual path; I preferred the term abundance. I realised it was probably because of some deep other lifetime past-life thing that made me feel that money was not spiritual. Yes, well that's just one potential reason for any resistance I may have.
Many of the sites online tell you how to open your heart to receive, to imagine your heart chakra opening, to imagine your money room has a door, open it.... yada yada yada. The only people this works for are people who don't have their root issues blocking that 'potential' door, who already have little resistance to this subject.
If you are like me, this blog entry may not bring you any answers - possibly, but what it can do is let you know you are not in this alone. Maybe our collective energy can begin to unfold our own inner solutions, inner answers and flow this whole subject wide open.
So to start this off I am going to list some of my potential root issues - it could be some of them blocking me or all of them - or it could be something else I am missing here. My root issues may help expose your own, and for this reason you may find your own inner money door opening. If it does let me know.
Okay....opening myself to this.
I will highlight in bold the key root issues I am aware of right now. Some more may unfold as I write. I feel writing has power. It connects the two sides of the brain and we are physically grounded as well as in tune with a higher guidance.
- FEAR OF LOSS
I would like to be open to receiving money so I can travel the world and simply experience a greater opportunity for choice in my life. For however long I am inspired to travel, I will be allowing my intuition to guide me. To follow this path I must say goodbye to my best friend who I have shared my life and home with for the past 8 years. He is the one and only person who intimately gets me, who knows me inside and out, and who loves me unconditionally. He wants me to go off on my travels and it will give him immense satisfaction and joy. However, the fear that arises as well as the excitement is the FEAR OF LOSS. Mike is the first man to listen to me, to be unconditional. He filled a void in me after my father died. He supported me, nurtured me and encouraged me to self-empowerment. He has encouraged me so much that my self esteem has gone from Zero to I would say 80% now. A great leap. So leaving my familiar, comfort zone of Michael scares the beejeebers out of me.
- FEAR OF BEING ALONE / FEAR OF BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR ME
Travelling means my path will be one of 'REAL FULL-ON ALONENESS', And while I feel my life this past 6 months has been a practice of training to be alone (spending most days alone) the full experience will be when travelling. I will also be fully responsible for me.
- FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN / FEAR OF CHANGE.
Travelling will mean a huge change for me. I will be completely leaving my home behind. I will have no 'roots' in the physical sense. I will have no belongings except the bag on my back. I will be travelling spontaneously with no set plan apart from a flight ticket.
- FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO MANAGE, OR TAKE CARE OF MONEY MYSELF.
My female role models in life, related to money, have been taken care of by men. I have no role model for a woman taking care of herself (without getting into financial difficulty). Of course I know of role models in the world, but my memory is of more intimate role models.
- GUILT - I am not sure if this is a root or simply sorrow. My father died during a weekend of extreme stress to do with money. That weekend after going through paperwork, he died. He chose to exit this world (for his own soul reasons), and on a personality level I feel he possibly thought we would all be better off financially if he was dead (mortgage on the family home would be paid etc. etc..). (This particular root makes me cry). In addition, I have some guilt about leaving my parental home to move to Southern England. I did so 3 weeks before my Father died. Even though he encouraged me to move I feel I still have some residual guilt that I was not there when he died for him or my family.
- FEAR OF WANTING; NOT DESERVING MONEY BECAUSE OF GUILT
Feeling I may be responsible for my father's stress, by spending his money and 'wanting' so much. I got what I wanted and this meant he died. (Oh boy, this came up as I was writing - maybe something unveiling itself here).
- FEAR OF RECEIVING
Michael is supporting me right now. Maybe I have a deeper fear that my 'wanting' and ultimately RECEIVING will mean I go travelling on my own and Mike will die (Mike's a fit man but intellectually my mind recognises his age - he's 73 years old). So if I get what I want, I may be left with regret that my getting what I want (AGAIN) because I was unconditionally loved and supported (much like my father did for me all my childhood and into my early twenties) brings the death of those I love. (Now that's a big thing to have on your shoulders isn't it!?).
- FEAR I CANNOT TRUST MY INTUITION The headmistress at Primary School told me I had embarrassed the whole school when I was 7 years old because I did not put my flowers where we had rehearsed a day earlier. There was no place to put them, my spot had changed. I did my talk and used my INTUITION and took my flowers back to my seat.
- FEAR OF REJECTION
Do I fear shining in the world? succeeding? Have I kept myself small so that I don't stand out and so I belong within my family of origin. My family know Kelly who lives the way I do now. Would they accept a successful me, receiving money in an easy way?
- FEAR OF RESENTMENT
I know I have a belief to clear about the ethos that working hard = deserving money. I can see how I view those on a career path and working long hours, or working in jobs they hate for the money. It seems more acceptable to most of society than receiving money easily.
- FEAR OF DESERVING
Living my life as I do right now, by taking a sabbatical while I let my life unfold, discover my gifts and talents, a part of me may feel I don't deserve to receive money easily.
And while I have the usual list of beliefs that many people have, that "Money is the root of all evil" and "Money doesn't grow on trees", these are all beliefs I have pretty much cleared within myself , but it is the above list that I feel is ready to be cleared.
So while I have changed, expanded, grown, both spiritually and humanly (one and the same), I could say MONEY is my last frontier. I feel the very writing of this on a public domain is issuing a whole bunch of moving energy through my intention to clear it now.
While I may not have any answers for you if you are reading this, I do hope my questions and my own roots can help expose yours. Knowledge is power and once we are aware, our own natural instincts can move us forward I feel. My inner self knows, so I must trust that life knows the way .
And as always it continues to unfold.
I look forward to hearing your own experiences or any comments you have to share.
I have no doubt I have more to share on this topic in the days and weeks to come.
Tools I am still using with regards to this subject:
EFT (emotional freedom technique) - EFT Universe Site & Hooponopono