As I lay on my bed today, I was looking at my picture of Lakshmi, the Goddess that represents for me, both inner and outer wealth. I was looking at the images of the coins coming out from one of her hands and I know it is not simply outer wealth and abundance I would like to experience in my life but more importantly an inner wealth.
I thought about how the coins were pouring out from her hand and another hand seemed to be receiving in, I looked at the Lotus flowers in her other two hands representing divinity, source energy, inner being, the Buddha within. And I looked at my own life. Why was I not 'seeing' wealth in my outer life?
It came to me, to see outer wealth I must see my inner wealth. The entire universe, the entire world of my own personal experience, of life, is, indeed, within me. And so as life reflects my inner world if I am not 'seeing' my own inner wealth it stands to reason I would be unable to see any outer wealth.
When I speak of wealth, I don't simply mean money, I am also speaking of beauty in my inner world, love in my inner world, joy in my inner world. Again, it tends to always come down to how we view ourselves, our own value our own worth.
Sometimes panic arises when I look out of my window (my eyes) and place my focus on what 'appears' to not be showing itself in my outer life. This is only because I have lost 'sight' of the whole world within me. This inner world also feels like it gets tremendous pleasure of looking outside, enjoying a bird sing, water flowing, beautiful music. Yet this 'natural' beauty I love so dearly in my outer world must be what I see as perfectly natural in my inner world.
Bird song, water rushing, trees growing, music playing, sensuous feelings, tastes, touch, smells... do these outer experiences come so easy because they are something my spirit remembers more deeply from non-physical life?
As my life has been stripped bare for me right now, lots of time alone, lots of walking in nature, free-time, no hobbies to speak of I am left bare and raw to the core of my own essential nature. Without lifes distractions and 'dramas' this has led me to go deeply within my own self for answers.
Sometimes, when life seems like nothing is happening, or life is empty it is simply making room for us to explore our own wealth, from within.
And with that, perhaps any resistance to experiencing outer wealth is simply a resistance to exploring deeper the jewels I lay inside myself. This feels true for me, my eyes well up, as if remembering, it is time to go exploring who I really am.