Once I decided to hand my notice in all my creativity flooded back to me. I finally understood what I wanted for my life, what my heart was longing to do. Travel the world. A deep part of me calling out to travel, finally I allowed this repressed dream to come up for me.
I say repressed because at 34 logically speaking, society expects me to:
A) Have a career
B) Have a house
C) Have a husband
D) Have children and settled down.
None of these I have and none of these I desire to have.
So much so I felt judgement from people. My neighbours judged me and my ex-friends judged me. Of course all wonderful projections of my own inner state of being.
Such conditioned thinking and my old patterns of seeking approval from others had me wrestling with my own inner self.
Do I dare to dream big, do I dare to dream what I want and desire or do I settle for less than an authentic life because I would :
A) Fit in
C) Be supported by people.
I chose to dream big. AND so here I am living a unique expression of life, regardless of how society may or may not view me.
Trusting that the VOID, the Uncertainty, The Unknown is not a place to flee from.
I heard the word HERMIT in my dream last night.
Here is what the HERMIT card means in the tarot.
Represented by Virgo, the Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. This is not a time for socializing; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. Nor is it a time for action, discussion or decisions. It is a time to think, organize, ruminate, and take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent during this time of withdrawal. But such times lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.
In regards to people, the Hermit can represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher or therapist, someone the querent usually sees alone, someone the rest of the querent's friends and family may not know about. This is a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing. They will help the querent understand themselves or find what it is they are seeking.
One of the important things about this card is that the Hermit is almost always shown on the move. He's never hiding away in his cave. Rather, he's out wandering, searching. This is apt for the restless mind of a Virgo, always gathering information, analyzing, making connections. Virgos are also known for being the skeptics of the zodiac. If anyone is going to stick a lantern into a dark place and take a good look at what's going on, it's a Virgo.
Combined with a desire to just "be alone," the Hermit indicates a feeling of impatience with people. The querent might be sensitive to having his/her peace disturbed, or express disdain for those who can't see what they're seeing ("Are you blind?" might be their refrain, or, more typically, "You just don't get it, and I can't explain it to you."). They're likely to be grumpy and anti-social.
For the querent, however, this is a special time. Like an artist who hides away for days then emerges to paint a masterpiece, this quiet time allows all the pieces to fall into place. Their minds are alive, and they can see things they weren't able to see before. So go ahead and encourage them to take late night drives, long walks, hide in their room or go on retreat for a month. When they come back, they'll have a new understanding of the world, of their lives, and of themselves. It'll be the best thing for them, and for everyone else.